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Jul. 12th, 2012

ichigo

友谊?

现在才明白,原来在你眼里,我连朋友的地位也不是。

Jul. 11th, 2012

L Death Note

13,000 words to go...

Churned out 2,000 words today! *proud* Then again, I'm behind time so I probably shouldn't be feeling so proud... =( Oh well. But that's two chapters down, the bulk of it is to come! More work on the literature review to commence tomorrow, hopefully secure more interviews and I need to figure out how to start the content analysis... I have a feeling this is the one that's going to make me cry/scream/bangheadontable/pullouthair/expire. Maybe all of that.

So I nearly did die after that methodology section was done, but after resting for a bit I finally mustered up enough energy to go cook myself some dinner. I made salmon basil pesto pasta for dinner!!! Found this new brand of basil pesto sauce which was on offer in Sainsbury's last week and it was so so so gooooooooood. It wasn't a huge bottle but just a 1/4 of the bottle is enough sauce for one person! Really worth it =D It was a good dinner made even better by yet another episode of Running Man! =D

If you've not heard of Running Man, you must be living in planet X, or well I suppose you might also be living in UK. Running Man is the funniest variety show ever! Seriously, I've not laughed so much in eons, and just watching 1 episode had me doubled over in laughter till the point that my tummy and cheeks are aching at the end of it. Definitely my go to show when I'm in need of a stress relief or something to brighten up my day.

Right, off to shower! And maybe a little bit more of Running Man before I sleep =D

Jul. 9th, 2012

Progress!!

Two more dissertation interviews secured, focus groups done and the methodology chapter is moving along nicely. Yay! Things are brighter and Mei is going to celebrate with a bit of Ceroc tonight =)

I'm so going to end up overwriting the methodology now... it's at 2,000 words with a 3,000 limit and I'm not even halfway through =/
Tags:

Jul. 7th, 2012

Dance

Dissertation matters (pun intended)

Work is picking up now that I've got some focus group data and am finishing the last of the groups tomorrow, plus secured more interviews for the dissertation. What with trying to write things that sound intelligent and make sense for the dissertation, I barely have time to do much else aside from the necessary de-stress moments with dance and friends. The busy-ness is good, it's what I want, it prevents me from thinking too much and being distracted. The only drawback is as stress goes with me, I seem to be getting lesser and lesser sleep and keep forgetting to eat properly -_- With a month and a half left to the BIG DEADLINE, it's going to get worse. Am going to be cutting on dance soon (=(((). 

I'd also like to say that judging from data collected from the previous two groups, I'm quite excited! Even if they kinda screw up my hypothesis and all... i'm being presented with differing POV from academics/professionals in the industries versus the people actually being exposed to the Kwave. I just need to make sure I don't screw up by sounding all convoluted in my findings section... deep breaths me, deep breaths.

I'm also quite sure with all these dissertation work going on, it's going to help me walk out of this fog real soon, perhaps sooner than I expect. So perhaps I'll be able to maintain some form of a friendship before I actually have to (really) say goodbye... unless by some miracle a job in Cardiff lands on my lap. Although truthfully speaking, I really want to experience working life in London. I can't explain it, but it's like this experience just won't be complete if I don't actually get to stay in London for awhile, and working there seems like a better option because I'd actually be able to (hopefully) afford staying there as opposed to stressing about how much money I'm leeching off my parents if I was studying there. I also don't mind staying outside central London if work is in central London, as long as the commute is simple enough. Then again, I need to secure a job first. Don't jump the gun, me!

Oh well, dissertation first. Everything else can wait.

Jul. 6th, 2012

愛情教會我們都放不下

我很想愛他 - 林俊

天空 下起雨了
他撐的傘 在你身邊陪著
可是 我不快樂
因為看見 他臉上的笑 是很勉強的

我很想愛他 但是眼睛在說謊
隱瞞比較容易吧 免得感情變的複雜
我很想愛他 但是理智在吵架
退出可能解圍嗎 誰能給我一個好的回答


如果 再捨不得
這樣下去 我們每個人都是受害者

我很想愛他 但是眼睛在說謊
隱瞞比較容易吧 免得感情變的複雜
我很想愛他 但是理智在吵架
退出可能解圍嗎 誰能給我一個好的回答

當愛情陷在危險邊緣
是否都會傷痕纍纍
是否都會苦不堪言

我很想愛他 但是眼睛在說謊
隱瞞比較容易吧 免得感情變的複雜
我很想愛他 但是理智在吵架
退出可能解圍嗎 誰能給我一個好的回答

愛情教會我們都放不下
Tags:

Jul. 5th, 2012

ichigo

Mixed signals

So today someone was asking me about you, what went wrong, why I didn't make the first move to encourage you, and that you were apparently "desperate" and I chased you away. You were "desperate" because you'd invited yourself over to my place for dinner, and that should apparently have sent me very strong signals.

And that's where all these troubles began. The mixed signals. I was fine until people started coming up to me questioning about us, suggesting things that you don't feel, which then made me suspicious and confused, and then I started noticing these things, and then I started reading too much into these things. And all the while, these actions obviously don't mean a thing to you, they don't signify anything to you, they're not important. What you probably don't know is that in my culture, these actions signify A LOT. And judging by the way people around me have been reacting, they probably signify something here too. They just don't mean a thing to you. In fact, they're probably just for fun isn't it.

I don't regret what I've done. At least I'm clear now, I know where I stand. And I can hold my head up high, square my shoulders, and move on.

The sky is clear,
The stars are bright,
And I am hoodwinked no longer.

Jul. 3rd, 2012

Kendo

The Fallacy of Love...

... is that it is happiness, desirable. It isn't. It is pain, it makes one indulge in feelings and it makes you overthink. It hurts and it harms. Just look at my friends who have become shadows of themselves because of this thing called "love".
Which is why, even if it may be painful now, I still choose to pull away before this thing called love can creep up on me. I let it happen once. It won't happen again.

Jul. 2nd, 2012

想念

Playing with my aunt's dog yesterday and today, it reminded me of a conversation we once had in which you asked me what type of dogs would I like to own should I have a house of my own. I wonder if you ever recall such conversations we've had before too? Or have you completely erased me from your memory?

Anyway, I found out that my aunt's dog is a Labrador Stratfordshire Terrier mix breed. Not that you will ever read this. The dog definitely seem to appreciate me more than you do.

我就是一直想念着你,但你可没有想念过我这个朋友吧。

Jun. 30th, 2012

Memories are painful

Hidden beneath the knowledge of my saying bye to you and you agreeing to it is the fact that I'm also saying farewell to a very good friend, and it hurts. It keeps haunting me and it's only been what, slightly more than 24 hours? I fear that if this keeps on I'm going to start breaking down, as it is I'm desperately trying to keep myself strong and trying to focus on work. That was the purpose wasn't it? Say goodbye so I'll be free of distraction and confusion and be able to focus on my dissertation. So why do I feel this empty inside? Why do I keep feeling sian and needing constant companionship or communication from people if only to take my mind off myself? Why do I even feel like crying?

The worse thing is, I won't even have salsa as a safe place anymore. Because I know I will see you there, at least on Thursdays. But I can't let you take that away from me, or I'll truly go crazy. It's the one thing I look forward to nowadays. At least while I'm dancing, I can forget about the pain and stress.

Funnily enough, it's always when I'm undergoing such a tumult of emotions that I face the need to write. Perhaps I'll start finding inspiration to write poems soon, it's been ages. 

Jun. 28th, 2012

伤心

气。 因为我让自己喜欢上你。
不甘心。 因为你从来没把我放在眼里。

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