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Mar. 13th, 2015

ichigo

Exhibit A

Wow... three years since my last post! I've not written anything creatively in a long way, but this came to me on a whim and it grew into a poem I couldn't get out of my head. So here it is, a poem inspired from recent media coverage of violence against women.

Exhibit A

Look here! Look here!
May I present you Exhibit A.
A beautiful woman with a cheery smile,
How much value is she worth?

“Worthless!” You say?
You ain’t that far from the truth.
She might have been worth a little,
Until she stayed out late.

She was found by the roadside,
Face frozen. In fear of:
Grasping hands, relentless thrusting.
Ugly faces, uglier laughter.
Merciless beatings.
Ignored screams.

She should have stayed still,
And enjoyed the treatment.
They treated her special after all.
It’s her fault for staying out late.

She could have been
Someone’s best friend,
A treasured sister,
A beloved daughter.

Your future wife,
Mother of your child.
Sons and daughters,
A family you’ll never know.

She might have been.

Oct. 30th, 2012

On the hunt

So I'm still on the jobhunt but my efforts are largely focused on Singapore for now. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be that many corp comms/pr openings there, sobs. Lots of marketing ones though but I'm not entirely sure I want to completely switch fields, especially since I'm fresh out of my masters. But anyway.

So I found 3, potentially 4, positions that really interest me, but all 4 are marketing roles. They all sound really interesting and exciting, plus there's also the possibility of travel. And they all require regional marketing, which excites me further since I won't just be marketing to the local market. I get to put the theories learnt on my course into practice! 

I've also noticed that the marketing roles I've applied for are more marcomms, in that there's an element of PR required such as social media marketing and managing the media. So I'm not leaving my field entirely, it's more of exploring another side of comms. And the way things are going, marketing looks set to be linked more and more with communications, which is swell because I like both aspects. I discovered this interest while working on my dissertation, the whole idea of branding, marketing and communicating a brand to an audience etc etc etc. So it'll be cool if I can get into that area.

I'm also excited for the one interview I managed to secure thus far. It'll be same same but different, new challenges to tackle and new areas of comms to explore within the same industry. I reckon that this plus if I get shortlisted for the above 3-4 positions, I'd be very excited about going back to Singapore simply because there's a brighter future to look forward to - hopefully.

That said, just over 2 weeks left here. =( Got to enjoy it while I can!

Oct. 22nd, 2012

Rejections

So today I received a job rejection from Singapore and turned down another offer. With each rejection, I tell myself that it'll only help lead me to a satisfying job eventually. Perhaps not the dream job, but one in which I'm able to grow further, expand on my current scope and explore new areas. One which excites and challenges me, which makes me look forward to going to work rather than wishing for the weekends to come.

That said, I did enjoy my first proper job. Which is why it makes me sad to turn down the offer and not rejoin the team again - but if I did, I'll be wondering what would it be like if I hadn't taken that route again.

Well, here's hoping I get better luck with the other applications!

Oct. 21st, 2012

Lee Jun Ki, 001

Farewell...

As a farewell to you, this will be the last thing I gift you. Because if I do any more, I will truly be an idiot.

I guess deep down inside, I still hoped you cared.

I hoped wrong.

Oct. 18th, 2012

One more month...

Left in UK. How time has flown! To be honest though, this nothing-to-do period is making me really lazy and lethargic, not a good sign. I need something constructive to do!! Come to think of it, I do have a report to write and some advice piece for the charity to do. Also jobs to apply for. But I feel so... bored and uninspired and generally in a state of I-can't-be-bothered-I-want-to-go-out-and-EXPLORE-ness.

On a brighter note (in this otherwise dreary weather), I just came back from London. London was same old same old, I didn't even shop much (the horror!) or, *gasp* watch any musicals! OMG. Mei has turned into an alien. Well no, there weren't any shows on Sun and the other days were just occupied with other plans. Meeting up with Yalan was fun though! I think she was highly entertained by me, hah. And it was nice to see Tim and Doug before I have to leave. And salsa with Magna Gopal! That was AWESOME.

I finally used up my topshop voucher on this lovely lacey black peplum top! And my aunt bought me a light pink/cream blazer. All ready to re-enter the workforce, I just need a job! Hah.

Am looking forward to exploring more of England when Yefeng visits and my aunt has promised to drive me around when she comes back from Vegas. Hurrah!! 

Jul. 27th, 2012

Job job job...

2 potential job offers in Sg versus 0 here... time to seriously consider my options. It's good to know that my time working for them has impressed them enough to want me back, one year on. On the other hand, there is more workload and lesser me time to expect. Do I want to go through that challenge?

If I were to be perfectly honest and practical, going back to work in Sg is better in terms of financial stability. The people working in UK struggle to earn enough to lead a comfortable life in UK, much less to have any money to travel. In Sg, I'd have enough to afford short trips to neighbouring countries at least. 

Choices choices choices. This is giving me a headache. Gah. The ideal situation would be at least a placement to work here till Feb, and if nothing's changed by then, go home. But even securing a placement here is a toughie. Le sigh. 

Jul. 24th, 2012

Lee Jun Ki, 001

Fair weather friends

Recently I've had the niggling feeling that someone I know doesn't seem to really want to talk to me anymore, or even be friends. I keep getting this feeling because I'm being treated differently from before and I keep wondering why. But I don't really have the guts to ask anymore. It hurts because I'm trying to repair this friendship alone and really, if a friendship isn't what you want at all, you could have just told me rather than leading me through another whole emotional roller coaster, this time of me wondering what I've done wrong. And the why. Always the why.

This is the reason why I don't let people get close to me. They all end up hurting me in the end. It doesn't even have to be a freaking BG relationship, even amongst friends they'd still hurt you in the end. To be fair, I have really good friends that have stuck by me and withstood the test of time, and I'm eternally grateful for that. I know I'm not the easiest person to be friends with; while I may seem like a cheery, klutzy girl on the outside, my inside is a whole basin of darkness that I fight with every day. But if I unveil even the tiniest glimpse of this abyss inside me, people will run, so I don't. I know what it's like to feel all alone, to be bullied, to cry, to hate myself, to hate the world, to hate life, and to genuinely want to die. To attempt dying. To fail. To have to face reality. To find the courage and strength to fight. To redesign my life. To find the perfect mask and take the stage. And on my off days when the abyss just pulls me under, to bury myself under the covers and cry, but refusing to give in.

You were that rock, once. In my darkest moments, I was happy just talking to you. But you have decided to leave, desert me in this foreign place where I am truly alone, without support, without the people who truly care for me, who even now, no matter the distance and time difference, are still there for me whenever I need them.

Rather than clinging on to the friend you obviously don't want to be, I'd rather let you go and hold my head up high. I won't beg for your friendship, there are others who appreciate me more. I don't need a fair weather friend like you.

And for once, I am really missing home. So much so that I am really tempted to pack my bags, up and leave this cold country for the warmth of home, where I know my true friends are. Even if I end up feeling stifled and pressured by family, I know these friends are always around for me to turn to. Unlike you.

Jul. 23rd, 2012

[minmay] sexy

Note to myself

This is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend as we were walking back from Salsa last night. It was a lovely conversation and she helped put things into perspective for me. This is also a reflection of what I've learnt from recent conversations with other friends, reminders and promises to ourselves that we can all do with. 

Dear Self,

It doesn't matter what people say,
Or what people do,
Their actions shouldn't affect you anyway.

So what if they refuse to greet you,
Even when you greet them first;
So what if they refuse to respond,
Or even talk to you;
Their actions shouldn't bother you anyway.

If they ignore you,
Pretend you don't exist;
Even if they ask every other girl to dance,
Except you;
Their actions shouldn't upset you anyway.

And if he says you have to
Give things up just for him,
Conform to his ideals,
Lose yourself to stay with him;
His actions show he doesn't deserve you anyway.

But if you loved yourself better,
Appreciated yourself more,
Respected yourself regardless of what people say,
It doesn't matter what they said or do,
It wouldn't bother you anyway.

Jul. 17th, 2012

Rejection hurts

Even if you were expecting it. I guess deep down inside, there was still something called hope rearing its useless head. The knowledge that I did well at the interview, that it wasn't my lack of skills or knowledge, nor was it because of the test (I think I surprised them there with some of the things I pointed out), is nice to know, but right now the bitter sting of rejection still hurts. Even though I knew it'd happen, simply because I have dissertation and well, this job can't wait. Understandably too, with a huge and very important exhibition coming up in 8 weeks, who'd wait? Still, I was hoping for it because it'd have been a good experience. Oh well.

Maybe I should just squash all hope and look homewards instead. I mean, think about it. There's really nothing to keep me here other than my stubborn refusal to acknowledge reality. I've always fought my own battles, won some, lost some, but I know what it's like fighting for my right to do what I want. Yet here I am wondering if this is one battle worth fighting at all.

In other news, I need a 73% for my dissertation to get an overall distinction. Time to go full steam ahead!

Jul. 14th, 2012

Where's my summer gone???!!!!

Dear Wales,

It's supposed to be summer now. You know, summer, warm, sun, lovely lovely sunshine, bright, sunny, warm, SUN. Not cold, rain, wind, rain, cold, gloomy, rain. Le sigh.

I was quite sad when I had to tell my grandma I can't walk out without a jacket and I haven't been able to wear my summer sandals much =( I ask again, where's my summer gone!!!!!! I've been looking forward to it for months and and and it's not here!!!!!

*Gloom gloom gloom*

Looks like it is hot soup for dinner again tonight. Or hmmm... pesto pasta with er...tuna?

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